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A Simpler Christmas

Can you orchestrate a smaller Christmas and still find joy?


Dear Widow Friends,

 

How is the holiday season for you so far? We just got done with Thanksgiving and now here we are right in the thick of Christmassing.

 

This time of year can be so overwhelming can't it?

 

The thing I want to share with you this December is that we can simplify our approach to Christmas. We may have traditions and to-do lists swimming in our heads. We may have people pressuring us for traditions that we are not up for. We don’t have to do everything just because we did before. We should only do something because we want to, not because we feel guilty not doing it. Or even worse, someone makes us feel guilty for not doing it.

 

Click here to watch my four-minute video on creating an exit plan for holiday parties and events that are stressful because you are grieving or attending without your beloved. (You will also meet Twinkie, my grief dog!)

 

Everyone is always talking about how a bubble bath is self-care. Friends, real self-care is listening to your heart and body. Take care of yourself this season by not robotically going through all the things you used to.

 

Let’s simplify.

 

Wherever you stand in Christmas faith, go there. What is your reason for celebrating? Right now, think of your reason. Pause and decide what is the most important thing you can do for yourself first and your people second.

 

Mine is to celebrate Christ’s birth so I am going to pray and ask God to walk alongside me this season. I am going to grab my kids several times over break, hug them, and pray over them. What better gift could I give them?

 

I hardly ever used to do that. For my first five years of holidaying as a widow, I felt like everything was too much, too overwhelming. My emotions and grief were too big to handle the holidays. Of course that is how I felt, I lost all of my traditions when they wheeled Eric out of my house.

 

But then I realized that I did have traditions. But they were small. Small but important. Zero (almost) stress-inducing.

 

Lights up ASAP! I tried to hang lights around my big dining room window during my first year being a widow. Can you imagine? Me on a ladder? I did it though, but badly because when I pulled into the driveway a couple of days later the puppies had grabbed the lights, pulled them down, and demolished them. This was a low point for sure.

 

Starting in year two I hired a handyman to hang them for me. He gets extra money for hanging lights, I get the joy of being one of the first and last in the neighborhood to have the beautiful lights. November, December, and January! I love driving up to my lighted house!

 

We chose small trees already in stands from Ace Hardware and put them around the house. The first year, just the thought of putting a tree on the roof of my car, dragging it in, and putting it into a stand gave my stomach knots. So, I lightened the blow to myself and my kids by allowing each one of us to have and decorate a tiny tree. Victory! A tradition that I can manage! See what those little trees looked like if you want an example of small but festive.

 

Christmas Eve charcuterie. This stems from my parent’s Christmas Eve feast after church. And I keep it up because I love to gather around cheese. LOL

 

That is it. Is it enough? Yes, it is. And I didn't even want more. (Except for the pub cheese on the cheese board!)

 

I used to have so many traditions and things we would do, and I would buy so much. Since Eric died, I just have less taste for buying things. Christmas consumption makes me feel nauseous now. Maybe that won't last forever, but for now, I love to do things small.

 

Are you stressed about Christmas traditions? First, know that what you do is entirely up to you. You can have control over what traditions you keep and which ones you pause for now and maybe never go back to.

 

If you are stressed, write a list of the things you are stressed about. Look at the list and cross off any things you don't want to do. And then.... Don't do them.

 

If people are disappointed or want to tell you that you have to do them, say, "I am sure you will understand, but I am not up to doing xxx."

 

May your Christmas be filled with peace and sprinkled with memories, joy, and maybe a few less or a few new traditions.

 

With love,

Lisa

 

PS I would love to see how you are Christmassing. Share a photo on my Simplier Christmas Facebook post.

 

Email me and tell me anything you want like how it is too hard or whatever is on your mind. I don’t judge and I answer all my emails. Chances are I have had the exact feelings. lisa@thewidowscomeback.com

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