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A Widow’s Guide to Valentine’s Day 💜


How do you feel about February? We are rapidly approaching that big, unavoidable romantic holiday: Valentine’s Day.

 

Does it bring up hard feelings? Does it make you feel lost, desolate, or alone? Are you suffering?

 

Take a deep breath and look up. Look out. There is love out there.

 

Where?

 

As I heal, I see more love. I’m able to share more love, and I’m also more able to accept it.

 

Who is there to love? My mom, who is also a widow. My kids, who are the most wonderful people on earth. My widow friend Lori, who understands me and my journey almost perfectly. My dogs—I have three! And most of all, I remind myself that God’s love surrounds me, even on the hard days.

 

But you might ask:

 

How can I be satisfied with this type of love?

 

How can my heart feel full when the love I want most is gone?

 

If you are a new widow, your heart has a huge hole in it. The very tiny edges of that hole are your heart. But as you grieve and heal, your heart will grow around that hole. It will get bigger, and proportionally, the hole will feel smaller.

 

I wish we could speed up this process. Society wants us to. They don’t understand unless they have lived it. They say thoughtless things. They never mention your beloved’s name. They forget his birthday. The worst? They forget the day he died—the hardest day of your life—while they just go on living theirs.

 

But you have to walk through this. Each step you take, your heart grows a little more. Each emotion you allow yourself to feel, your heart expands around the hole, making it less gaping.

 

My hole is still there, this is my sixth Valentine's Day without Eric, but my heart has grown so much bigger around it.

 

So, what should you do on February 14?

 

Here are some ideas:


  • Watch a romcom and indulge in your favorite chocolates with your pets all over the couch.

  • Plan ahead and call your adult kids and ask them to take you to dinner.

  • Plan ahead and call a friend and have a “date.”

  • Get some friends together for “Galentine’s Day.” I did this a couple of years ago, it was a lot of work, but it was a great time and showed me a lot of love of a different kind. If you're a guy, have a "Bromance" meetup for beers and darts.

  • Support your kids in their love lives. This year my son chose not to go to his Valentine's Ball, but in years past I have gone, happily (mostly) and enjoyed being the only single adult female in the room with all the marrieds. (This is not true but it feels true.)

  • Take yourself out and buy a fantastic Valentine's Day gift and dinner at a favorite restaurant. This is my new tradition.


Here's what I have planned:


But first a note: I require a lot of activity. You may require less and that is just fine. Also, I am not using activity to run from my emotions. I strive to feel my feels. Just ask anyone who has a ten-minute conversation with me or sees me crying in Target. I express a lot.


  • February 12: I accepted an invitation to my realtor's Galentine's Celebration. I do a lot these days by myself, in fact, I did this by myself last year. But this year I am going with a friend I met there last year!

  • Mailed Love: I purchased and sent four Valentine's cards to people I love, not in a romantic way, but in a you matter to me way.

  • February 14: I'm Ubering to Tiffany, where a salesgirl will be waiting for me with bracelet choices and a glass of champagne. I'm buying myself a Valentine's bracelet from Eric. Then I'm heading for the Capital Grille for a tuna stack and more champagne. I'll be home early enough to give my daughter chocolates and binge-watch This is Us. (a show that by the way is fantastic for those of us who've lost our beloveds.)

  • February 15: I'm playing in a Valentine's singles pickleball tournament.


Are you exhausted yet? I'm not. I love life, and I want to live it.


Whatever you choose to do is just fine. Feel your emotions. Live life. Choose your destiny. Be proactive. This is how you heal.


You are going to be okay.


I'd love to hear what you're planning. Send me an email or even a picture of your celebration. I answer all my emails! lisa@thewidowscomeback.com


Or comment on my Faacebook page! I posted pictures of the outfits I'm wearing for my Valentine's activities. "Heart" the ones you like!


"Above all, love each other deeply."

1 Peter 4:8



This was my February newsletter. I try and tackle the things on our calendars, coping, smiling, healing, living. If you would like one every month visit my homepage and sign up on the pop up.

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