Well, Valentine’s Day is over. Did you survive? Of course, you did, or you wouldn’t be reading this. I hope you smiled. But even if you didn’t, and just ended up on the floor crying, you have this stupid holiday under your belt!
I made myself say yes to everything. (As inspired by Shonda Rhimes’s book, Year of Yes.) I attended my son’s Valentine’s Ball at his boarding school. I attended my new realtor’s (way more about this later) Galentines’ Day party. On February 14, I attended a singles mixer.
“I am not lucky. You know what I am? I am smart, I am talented, I take advantage of the opportunities that come my way and I work really, really hard. Don’t call me lucky. Call me a badass.” --Shonda Rhimes
All these events showed me different kinds of love. I don’t have to focus on the love I lost all the time. I got to love my son by attending his school’s family weekend, I met a new friend at the Galentines’ party, and we went to dinner last night. The singles mixer was an opportunity for me to support another friend who is a widow and very shy about dating. I also took a few minutes and sent valentines to my mom and my BFF. Did you make any outward gestures to those you love?
Over the past four years, six months, and ten days I slowly realized that love was right in front of me. How am I so dense? Not husband love, but wonderful love. Love that now fills me and sometimes overflows.
“Losing yourself does not happen all at once. Losing yourself happens one no at a time."
--Shonda Rhimes
One time my daughter asked me why I was going on a date. She was all of eleven years old. “I want love in my life again,” I answered like a woman with goals.
“But Mom, I love you. I love you with all my heart.” And she does. I can accept this love with wide open arms. Would I have accepted her love on the level I do now if Eric never died? I don’t know.
“Mom, let me pray over you.” Wow, that came out of the mouth of a sixteen-year-old boy. I was having a moment over Christmas and cried. I received the peace and was even able to spread a little over to others during that day. Would he be so attuned to me and my moment if Eric hadn’t died? Would I have even noticed? I don’t know.
What I do know is that I am their life’s biggest blessing. I get to be their mom and their biggest fan and advocate.
My heart is filled with the Holy Spirit. I pray, I read the Bible, and I love church. All of this was the old me too, but having no husband really allowed me to accept God’s love. I get to accept Jesus’ movement of peace and love in ways that would never have been available to me if I had Eric to lean on. Has your faith life changed?
Recently, I spent half a day at the local cancer center with a friend. She happens to be a widow too. I loved the time. The other day my neighbor and I made a taco dinner for another neighbor whose mom died. These things fill me up. I am filled with love in other ways.
So Happy Valentine’s Day to me. And happy loving people well every day.
Being comfortable in my widow’s skin feels good. It has taken me a long while. It may take you a long while too. Before my Galentines’ Day event, I had the Uber drop me off at Tiffany & Co. I bought an evening bag I had been eyeing and then I walked across the street and had a glass of champagne. It was exactly the wish of love I wanted from Eric, and he treated me. Check out the picture of my beautiful new bag and pink champs on Facebook. Tell us if you did something for yourself too.
Letting go of the love of your life is daunting, lonely, desolate, and so many other awful things. But there is love all around you. Can you capture it? Can you grow it? Yes, you can!
Please email me and let me know how you are doing. I love answering all my emails and love to chat with you guys! lisa@thewidowscomeback.com
PS
I am not lucky. You know what I am? I am smart, I am talented, I take advantage of the opportunities that come my way and I work really, really hard. --Shonda Rhimes
“You never say yes to anything.” Has anyone said that to you in your life? Have you heard of Shonda Rhimes? She is a television writer and her sister said it to her. That statement turned into a challenge which she wrote about in her memoir Year of Yes.
Recently this book came across my library queue and I suggest it to you.
Years ago, we chose it for the Wells Fargo Women’s Book Club read. Over several hour-long conference calls (this was before Zoom), I listened to many women discuss how listening to Shonda conquer saying yes challenged them all to yesses.
Are you a little stuck? Try this book. It is delightful and may sprinkle a little motivation into your heart.
Please, say yes. It can be so fun. It can build confidence. It can teach you something or someone new. We need change and challenges.
* I am an Amazon affiliate and will receive a small percentage if you decide to order this
book through my link. I told you about it, though, to motivate you and help you spread your
wings. If you do order it through my link thanks! If enough people order it
, I will have a wonderfully expensive and high-calorie Starbucks.