For you, it might be your first. For me, it will be my fifth time starting my trip around the sun without my love at my side.
Are you wondering if you can make it? You can.
It is unfair and cruel and lonely, but this year will tick by with bad days and good days. Days keep coming. Celebrate the good ones and give yourself grace on the bad ones.
People throw around "time heals all wounds." Like they are asking "How are you?" Sometimes it just feels like words with no meaning.
But time does heal things. Even if you don't want it to.
I hope you don’t mind but I am going to be sending out two newsletters each month this year. One of my New Year’s Resolutions is to help you grieve and heal with planning. I learned planning for the hard days is very important.
Later this quarter my 365 Day Grief Calendar will be available for purchase. But we will be planning for free here.
Planning the big desolate days can help you get through them. Knowing it is coming is the worst. Wondering if anyone cares is the worst. So, I hope you will join me in planning. I just got out my calendar and looked at January because I have three soul-crushing days to plan for:
My daughter’s fifteenth birthday.
My fifty-fifth birthday.
Eric’s fifty-eighth birthday.
I put hearts on each day and I am already planned. I am getting Katie early from school and we are going to shop and have a fancy dinner. BTW I would have never done this before Eric died.
I texted my two best neighbors and asked to celebrate my birthday and they said yes! We are going to a new restaurant in town and then two of us will peel off and do a guided painting. This is the very perfect way for me to celebrate. I may sneak away and buy myself something expensive though. And say it is a gift from the grave. I tried that at Christmas and when I announced it everyone was just like… “ok.”
Here I am being proactive because no one may remember. Friends need reminders sometimes, and they almost always step up to the plate.
I have a little pit of nervousness in my gut because I decided to say yes to a writer’s conference on January 26, Eric’s birthday.
How could I?
Not be home to commemorate it?
But I feel a peace that it is ok for me. I know he would have insisted. I am going to be brave and try it. Worst case I cry in front of people at the conference or drink too much at the bar. Been there, done both. Weigh in on my FaceBook post whether you think I am a bad widow for doing this.
How does your January look?
Get your calendar out and heart or star or middle finger the dates you need to plan for. Even if you don’t end up doing what you planned because you are in a puddle on your bedroom floor, the act of planning will take away some of your inner angst.
I wish you peace and love,
PS Send me a note if you are struggling or have a victory. I love hearing from you and answer all my emails. firstname.lastname@example.org.