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I can stand on my own.

I can stand on my own.

I heard that a few days ago. I hate those words. They literally make my stomach ache, even four years after Eric left.

Hi Widow Friends,

How has your month been? How have you been standing on your own?

Today at the car dealership I stood on my own two feet by telling them “No!” I would not pay $700 to have filters changed.

At first, everyone made decisions for me. Thankfully two of the most trustworthy people on earth – Tayne and Laura – spent the first month with me after Eric died. But then they left. We talked constantly but eventually, I had to start doing things by myself.

I remember just before Laura left and we were out late one night. She gently told me I had to drive home. This was good practice because driving everywhere was one of the ways I had to stand on my own.

But that tiny step gave me confidence so a couple of months later I was ready to plan and take my kids on a two-night trip away from home where I had to drive three hours each way.

Later, when I sold our investment condo in California, I decided to invest it in real estate here in Kansas City. Wow did I get earfuls of advice! And bad advice at that. I would silently ask the person about their real estate investments… none of them had any.This investment has paid for three years of my son’s tuition, without touching a cent of my principle.

Sometimes standing on my own is easier than others. I had to make the controversial decision to send my son to military boarding school. Again, with the earfuls. People feel very strongly about military school. But their opinions came from their experiences and life outlook. Not my opinion or outlook. Almost no one who told me I shouldn’t make this move offered to help my son. None of them had to be responsible for my son’s well-being, growth, and success. No one had to experience the needs that were going unmet in him.

Standing on my own is so hard. As I type those words – in the dealership – I can’t help but cry.

Am I doing the right things?

I miss talking to Eric about all the decisions. The big and little that come across my plate every day.

I let my daughter buy a (modest, lol!!) bustier. She is a freshman in high school.

I decided to stop having a pest control company spray for mosquitoes.

I had to decide where to send the mower when it broke. And then call them back, correct them, and insist that they come back and actually fix the problem because it broke ten minutes after I got it home.

I barrel through my days standing on my own. Why haven’t I embraced that? Recognized how well I am doing?

I am confident. When I am not, I pray, I seek counsel, I sit with it, and finally…. Because no one else is going to, I make the decision.

What are you struggling with? What big decision have you made even though you were afraid? Share on my Facebook post about standing on your own.

I would love to chat with you about anything. I answer all my emails.

With love,




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