What Should a Widow Do With Her Wedding Ring After Her Husband Dies?
- 10 minutes ago
- 8 min read
If you are looking at your wedding ring and wondering what you are supposed to do with it now that your husband has died, I want you to know something first.
You don't have to do anything.
You don't have to take it off. You don't have to keep wearing it. You don't have to move it to your right hand or put it away. And you certainly don't have to make this decision because someone else thinks enough time has passed.
Do whatever feels right to you in the moment.
Your wedding ring may feel like so much more than a piece of jewelry right now. Your husband put it on your finger. You may have worn it for decades. It can represent your marriage, your family and the life you built together. Of course deciding what to do with it can feel like a very big decision.
And it doesn't have to be a permanent one.
You can keep wearing your ring for the rest of your life if you want to. You can take it off tomorrow. You can move it to another hand, wear your husband's ring along with yours, put the rings on a chain, redesign them, save them for your children or put them safely away.
And if you take your wedding ring off and later wish you hadn't, you can put it back on again.
I recently asked The Widow's Comeback community what they had done with their wedding rings after their husbands died. Nearly 3,000 widows joined the conversation.
Their answers were wonderfully different. And I think that's exactly the point.
What I Did With Our Wedding Rings
When Eric died, he wasn't wearing his wedding ring. He often took off his ring, watch and wallet when he came home, and that day his ring was there.
For a while, I would pick it up and simply hold it in my hand. I liked feeling the weight of it.
Then one day I had an idea.
Eric had given me a beautiful Tiffany blue chain for a pendant, and I wondered if I could put his wedding ring on it and wear it close to my heart.
Then I added mine.
And that's when I discovered something I hadn't expected: my wedding ring fits perfectly inside his.
I thought it was beautiful.
I don't wear the ring necklace every day. I tend to wear them for special occasions. The last time I wore them was for my son's graduation. My kids always notice when I have the chain on. I tell them, “Dad would want to be with us
today.”
There are other days when I want Eric with us, but I don't necessarily want the rings to start a conversation. On Christmas or Thanksgiving, for example, I sometimes slip them into my pocket instead.
I like having our rings close on days when the life we built together feels especially important.
What Do Other Widows Do With Their Wedding Rings?
When I asked this question on Facebook, I expected different answers. I wasn't prepared for just how many different answers there would be.
Some widows had never taken their wedding rings off and had no intention of doing so.
Others had moved their rings to their right hands. Some wore their husband's wedding band on a thumb, middle finger or index finger. Several wore their husband's ring along with their own.
Many put one or both rings on a necklace.
Others had the rings redesigned. One widow combined both wedding rings into a new memory ring. Another incorporated their birthstones. One woman was considering eventually creating a three-stone ring representing the past, present and future. Some put the rings away in a special box. Some planned to give them to children or grandchildren. Some wore their rings only on meaningful days. And some took their wedding rings off.
All of those answers are okay.
When Should a Widow Stop Wearing Her Wedding Ring?
There is no standard time when a widow should stop wearing her wedding ring.
In the conversation on The Widow's Comeback, some widows were still wearing their rings many years after their husbands died. One woman had worn hers for more than 70 years of marriage and intended to continue wearing it.
Another widow intentionally wore hers until the first anniversary of her husband's death and then made a small ceremony out of taking it off.
One woman who had been widowed twice shared what she did with both rings. After her first husband died, she wore her wedding ring for a year. After her second husband died, she took her ring off within days. She couldn't really explain the difference. The second time, taking it off simply felt right.
I love that because it illustrates something important: there isn't one right answer.
You don't have to decide based on how long it has been. You can decide based on what feels right to you now.
Is It Okay to Keep Wearing Your Wedding Ring After Your Husband Dies?
Absolutely.
For some widows, the wedding ring continues to represent the marriage and the love they shared with their husband. Several women in the conversation used almost exactly the same words: “In my heart, I'm still married.”
Others simply said they loved their rings and saw no reason to stop wearing them. You don't have to remove your wedding ring to prove that you're healing. And continuing to wear it doesn't mean you're doing grief wrong.
It's jewelry, but it isn't just jewelry.
It can represent decades of marriage, promises made, children raised, homes built, ordinary Tuesdays, hard seasons survived and an entire life shared with another person.
It makes sense that deciding what to do with it can feel significant.
Can a Widow Wear Her Wedding Ring on Her Right Hand?
Yes. Moving a wedding ring from the left hand to the right was one of the choices that came up repeatedly in our conversation.For some widows, it allows them to continue wearing a ring they love while acknowledging that something in their life has changed.
But you don't have to move it.
Several women continued wearing their wedding rings on their left hands. Others wore their husband's rings on whichever finger they fit on.
What Can You Do With Your Husband's Wedding Ring?
This was one of my favorite parts of reading the responses because widows have found so many meaningful ways to keep their husbands' rings.
You might:
Wear his wedding band on another finger.
Wear his ring alongside your own.
Put his ring on a chain.
Combine your rings into a new piece of jewelry.
Incorporate the stones or metal into a memory ring or pendant.
Keep the rings together in a special box.
Save the rings for a child or grandchild.
Wear his ring only on days when you especially want him close.
Leave the ring with your husband when he is buried.
Simply keep it somewhere safe until you know what you want to do.
You also don't have to do anything with it yet.
Sometimes “I'm not ready to decide” is a perfectly good decision.
If you decide to put your rings away, you may want somewhere special to keep them together. I found a beautiful wooden ring box that holds multiple rings. It is engraved with Ephesians 5:31, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” I especially like the idea of having a dedicated place for your wedding rings rather than simply putting them away in a jewelry box. You can see the Wedding Ring Keepsake Box on Amazon.
What If Your Wedding Ring Doesn't Fit Anymore?
Several widows said they had lost significant weight during their husband's illness, caregiving or grief, and their rings had become too loose. Some mentioned arthritis or swelling that made wearing their rings uncomfortable or unsafe.
If your ring no longer fits, taking it off doesn't have to mean you're ready to stop wearing it emotionally. You might have it resized, wear it on another finger, put it on a necklace or keep it somewhere safe.
A physical change doesn't have to make an emotional decision for you.
What About Taking Off Your Wedding Ring If You Start Dating?
One widow's response particularly stood out to me. She had been widowed twice. After her first husband died, she continued wearing her wedding ring until she began dating. Then she removed it because she didn't want people to assume she was married to the man she was dating.
Years later, after losing her second husband, she made a completely different choice. She wasn't interested in dating again, so she planned to continue wearing her wedding ring.
Again, there was no universal rule. Her choice fit the life she was living at the time.
Changing what you do with your ring isn't changing what your marriage meant.
What If I'm Not Ready to Decide?
You don't have to decide right now. One woman in our community had lost her husband three months earlier. She was still wearing her rings exactly where her husband had placed them 23 years before. She could imagine that someday she might give them to a grandson or make something new from them. But not yet.
“For now it feels right,” she said. Those words contain a lot of wisdom.
For now.
You don't have to decide what you will do with your wedding ring for the rest of your life. You only have to decide what feels right today. Maybe you'll take it off and put it back on. Maybe you'll wear it every day for years and then one morning decide not to. Maybe you'll only wear it on certain days. Maybe you will feel differently next year. Maybe you won't.
Your Wedding Ring, Your Decision
When thousands of people answered my question about wedding rings after the death of a spouse, I saw almost every possibility imaginable.
But I didn't see one right answer.
I saw widows finding ways to honor their marriages while figuring out how they wanted to live now. Some kept wearing their rings exactly as they always had. Some changed them. Some carried them. Some tucked them safely away.
And some were still deciding.
If you're wondering what you should do with your wedding ring after your husband dies, maybe the better question is:
What would feel right to me right now? You are allowed to let that be your answer for today and have another answer on another day.
About Lisa Woolery
Lisa Woolery is the founder of The Widow's Comeback and author of The Widow's Comeback, an award-winning memoir about the honest, messy and sometimes funny reality of surviving the death of a spouse and rebuilding a life you never planned for.
Follow The Widow’s Comeback on Facebook for daily honest conversations, encouragement and support from a community of women who understand widowhood.
Read More from The Widow’s Comeback
If you’re looking for more support as you navigate life after losing your husband, you may also want to read:
12 Best Books for Widows That Truly Help After Losing a SpouseA thoughtful collection of books that offer comfort, understanding and practical help for life after the death of your husband.
Every Widow Needs a Personal Board of Directors When your husband dies, you don't just lose the person you love. You lose the person you asked. Here’s how I learned to build a trusted circle of people I could turn to for advice and help.
The Invisible Work of Widowhood: When Grief Leaves You Carrying Everything Alone There is so much work that comes with widowhood that no one else sees. This is for the widow who feels like she is suddenly responsible for everything.
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